Slight Change in Workout Plans

My stair machine broke four days ago. I was using it and I heard a popping sound, and then a few more popping sounds, and my feet both dropped to the bar. the cord that held the pully had snapped. I think I have a warranty that I bought somewhere in a box or file around here. I need to find it so Wal-Mart can replace this thing. Unless, of course, they consider using the stair machine as voiding the warranty. I am sure it has never been dropped or kicked or used for any reason other than its purpose.

Either way, my workouts have been moved out doors in the past few days. I'm now doing strength training entirely independently of cardio, because I don't have the stamina to run every day and not get too sore to move after a few days. I've been running every other day, which is miserable and reminds me why I got the stair machine in the first place, but effective none-the-less.

I've been doing running in intervals. The first work out was 10 two-minute runs with 1 minute of rest in between. It was a cool day and I was booking it; an 11 minute mile when three of those minutes were walking. The next time I ran I was eager to see if I could run at that speed without the rests. I can't. Even at 10 in the morning it had already gotten into the 80s and was shockingly muggy. In addition I was still dealing with soreness from the previous run and the allergies are ridiculous. I ran 1.2 miles (1 lap at the park) in 13.5 minutes with a significant slow down in the last 0.2 miles where the heat got to me and I was feeling my toast and egg breakfast start to come back up. It was all I could do to finish the lap. I'm disappointed, but I don't suppose I should be since I haven't run at all in 8 months and it was very hot and humid and I'm sure that the constant stream of snot running down my throat and out of my nose to blend with the sweat dripping off me didn't help in the slightest. I finished out the workout with intervals or running again.

I think I could make a 10 minute mile if the morning was nice and all I had to run was a mile and I'd had a light breakfast (eg. an apple and a piece of toast and tea with no milk).

Breathing has been fine both times, no gasping, no short quick breaths. I wonder if I could loosen the control on my breathing, if that would speed me up or slow me down.

That being said; neither workout was fun. I don't like running. It's not relaxing or soothing. It does not make me feel happy or refreshed or successful. It's only meditative in the sense of forcing yourself to focus on a single thing.

I suppose I should be happy that I can run a mile, or even 1.2 miles, since most people can't.

It occurs to me that when I returned from my first stint in Korea I could run three laps at this park without much trouble. And compared to that my present running ability and run time isn't great. But...when I look back at myself during that time...I had few friends, no confidence, I was often distressed, I felt like I had to workout had to run had to be beautiful through health. I just...wouldn't go back to that place for the life of me. Maybe I can't run 3.6 miles anymore, but I'll be damned if I'm not far happier with myself now and in a much better place than I ever was then.

. . .

I need to find that warranty.

Some Things I've Learned About my Body

You know, every body is different, everyone is different, but every body is a little different, too.

As I go on this journey of body and food and health, I'm learning things about my body and I'm learning to accept things about my body. Here are some things about my body, they are okay, they aren't bad, some people will share each of these things, some won't. They are part of what make me unique and make my body mine.

• I have thick legs. From big thighs to big knees to big ankles, my body keeps width and breadth and fat in my legs more than anywhere else. My thighs will always touch, and my calves will always be big. But in addition to being large, my legs have a great capacity for muscle. I remember being on crew and having nearly the most powerful legs on the team, and now as yesterday I did 40 squats, 30 calf raises, and 30 lunges yesterday along with an hour of cardio and hardly a groan or whimper from my legs today I'm reminded that my legs are strong; they are get-me-places legs. I used to hate my legs, but now I think that it's very unfortunate that I had such a limited idea of beauty that it would even cause me to turn against myself.
• My ribs are wide from the front view and narrow from the side. This is sort of the opposite of what I expected or wanted when I was younger. There are only a few inches between my hips and ribs in my  waist so when I get smaller a lot of the smaller happens from the profile view, it makes my waist-to-hip ratio from the profile look to be about 60% where from the front it looks to be about 80%. Really, this is just how different bodies are. Would I be so bound to societaly approved idea of Caucasian beauty that, like the Victorians, I'd have my floating rib removed to make my waist look smaller from the front view? I'm ashamed to say that in my early 20s I would have considered it. Now, no, I wouldn't. 
• I have wide shoulders. 

Body and Health Update 6/26

I've decided to break this up into subheadings since I'm discussing different things:

Exercise:

I bought new weights yesterday.
8 lbs this time. I was finding that I could go nearly an hour on the stair machine with the 5 lb weights, and 90 minutes without them. Having a work out where the "cardio" takes 90 minutes isn't feasible. Though, it was fun; I watched the Lord of the Rings extended edition over the last week. Originally I wanted 7 or 7.5 lb weights but they didn't have them at Target. All they sold were 6 and 8 pound weights (I should clarify, they did have 7 lb kettle bells, that were more than $20 each, I just don't have the money for that). Since 6 is close to 5, 8 pounds it was.

With the increase in weights I intend to drop the time of my cardio back to 48 minutes (aka, the length of an episode of Fringe).

The stair machine from Wal-Mart is holding out quite well, despite a marked increase in the time I spend using it.

My work out has moved to 1:45 of plank and side planks, though I have split it up into 35 second holds rotating. I think I could pretty easily move it to 3 sets of 40 seconds each, but I found that a minute and 1:10 were pushing the limits of my attention span, the rotation of shorter times allows me to effectively distract myself. I have also moved to 2 alphabet sets of bicycle crunches. The first time for this increased amount was yesterday and I'm surprised that I'm not sore. My workouts also regularly feature 40 squats, 30 calf raises, and 12-13 push-ups in addition to the shoulder exercises I do with the weights while I am on the stair machine. I also have started doing a some squat jumps on the days where I'm energized. I have begun to stretch more as well, as sometimes I feel a bit stiff after long workouts. I stopped doing the high knees, they were good for my cardio level but drained me so quickly that I found myself actively resenting them, and the goal is to enjoy working out, it's not supposed to be mental "work". maybe I will try again later, but not now.

Eating:

I'm still doing the no sweetener thing, still enjoying it, still plan to do this the rest of my life. I do go through days or a period of a few days where I will crave candy/ice cream/cake/chips/croissants. I usually just end up eating more fruit, or pasta.

I've also noticed that a lot of my food cravings come from external food triggers/hunger stimuluses, which are often quite strong, and which just piss me off. I mean, really piss me off. People trying to manipulate me makes me angry. Being hungry makes me irritable. When I'm hungry and know it's because advertisers/businesses are manipulating me through my animal urges, well, it's not a good mood. It also makes me angry because people who fall pray to these incredibly powerful and subtle manipulations are villainized for it but the companies who do it are praised.

"Regular" American food (read; mac and cheese, pigs in a blanket, white bread, sweets, potato chips) has been giving me stomach cramps if I eat it, even though it is eaten rarely. If, by chance, I end up having two events in the same week (like I did last week, a dinner with friends Thursday night and then a wedding with a dinner Saturday night), it seems to be worse.

Case in point, I've been feeling gassy and bloated and gross all week. I think I'm beginning to develop an aversion to processed food. At the wedding I found myself thinking 'do I really want to eat this?' rather than 'Yay! Rule free event!'

Also, I've begun regularly taking vitamins, which only leaves  me nauseous about half the time I take them. I have learned I can't take them with breakfast, apparently an egg, a piece of buttered toast, an apple, and coffee is not enough of a "meal" to keep me from spending the next 3 or 4 hours swallowing down bile. Also, taking them at night is torture. So, lunch, which is undoubtedly my biggest meal of the day and the one I eat the quickest, is really the only acceptable time to take them (I say them because I take a multivitamin as well as one of 3 B supplements, usually folic acid, and a kelp supplement since my budget has restricted the buying of seaweed snacks).

Weight:

The last time I was on the scale, which was mid-month, I was 178. This means that I have lost (a little more than) 15% of my January body weight and that I am no longer "obese." I admit that I am hoping to be less than 175 when I move.

When I look in the mirror, I still see the same person. I still regularly refer to myself as fat.  I know it bothers my sister, who says I am not fat, but I think that her and I are coming from such disparate directions that I cannot explain it to her. To me, this makes sense; I don't change, the appearance of the girl in the mirror doesn't change. If how she looked/looks is "fat" than I will always be "fat." Part of my identity is being "fat." Why am I to try and find a new word that fits for merely "overweight"? Would any stranger be so kind? No. Additionally, I have no desire to join a part of society that would have rejected me previously (and, likely, still does). If I was an outsider I have no interest now in being part of the group.

I have been wondering recently what is likely to happen to me if my weight falls into the only-slightly-overweight category (1 to 10 lbs). This, assuming I continue with my present style of eating and exercising, is a reasonable conclusion at some point in the next year. I do not believe my discomfort with the privileged thin culture will have changed at all. At the same time, I do understand that there is a strong feeling of general distrust and animosity among larger folk towards people who are thin, whether they have "achieved" it or whether they were simply gifted with it. Will I find myself a true outcast or will I find that there is an entirely different sector of people, one largely ignored in the us vs. them war-on-fat?

But I digress.

Sizing:

In addition to having now lost 32 pounds, I also easily fit into a size 14. I can put on a size 12, but I am not a believer in if-you-can-zip-it-it-fits, and the bulge around the top says I am not yet a size 12.

I went through quite a lot of my old clothes in the garage and found that the smallest size seems to be a size 11, which is about a size 8-10. This was both when I was a junior in high school, and when I was on Crew in college. I think one can pretty reasonably argue that 8-10 would be my "ideal" size.  I also find it interesting that there was something like a 15 pound difference in my weight between the two times I wore the same size. Though I do wish I'd known then what I know about sugar now.

The smallest point of my middle is 33.5 inches, just above my belly button is 36, and the widest point of hips/butt is 43. Recently the measurement around my ribs seem to have grown, from 34 to 35 inches. I don't know why or if I'm just not measuring the same.

Sleep:

Sleep is still difficult. Even when I am utterly exhausted I find it hard to fall asleep without some assistance. I find it very hard to quiet my mind long enough for sleep to take hold, and I often jerk back in to waking just as I'm about to fall asleep. I often fall asleep around 1 or 2 a.m. And I am more than capable of sleeping 9 hours a night, which my body does every time it gets the chance.

On a lighter note, I have begun to dream of DC and they have been good dreams. This is very unexpected but leaves me much more optimistic than I have been, because I believe that my subconscious still believes I have made the right decision, in spite of my conscious doubts about my ability to make any right decision.

A Regression Into and Out of Numbers

I'm not perfect.

My psychological state isn't perfect, my health isn't perfect.

I do hope you know that.

I'm hoping that I can voice this, well write it, and get it out of my head.

As a warning, I am about to argue with myself, and this could be triggery for those of you who suffer from eating disorders. For that I apologize.

Last I weighed I was somewhere between 186 and 188. I made the mistake of weighing twice in a week. Stupid.

My brain is saying, you lost [almost] 8 pounds last month. You could do it again. Maybe your metabolism has sped up. Maybe it will happen again and again. If you lost 8 pounds this month and in the two months following that would be 24 pounds. 24 pounds in three months. That's 2 pounds a week. That's twice your previous speed. You should work out more, eat less. Maybe you could be 150 by December, maybe you could be 145. 210 minus 65 is 145. That's more than 1/4 of your weight. 210 minus 4 minus 5 minus 5 minus....

This.

This is why I am not weighing myself. 

Welcome to the dark side of my mind. This counting and recounting doesn't just relate to weight, it goes to calories and to other things, if I let it.

It's anxiety. My anxiety. Trying to contain itself by counting.

My mind does this with things I'm anxious about, it tries to circle back on itself. When I'm worried about a situation my mind rehashes all possible outcomes that it can consider, each more extreme than the last in a cycle that used to drive me mad.

And, honestly, sometimes still does.

My mind is full of sinkholes.

But I've learned what others haven't; you don't have to fall in.

If you don't fall in, eventually they start to seal over.

*I wanted to show you all this thinking because I want to discuss why it's wrong, how it's wrong*  (and maybe pull myself further from this sink hole, walk away instead of sticking my toe in)

I do not believe that my weight determines my beauty or my value or my success in pursuing health. I see nothing but crackpot evidence of any of those things. What does it matter if I'm 145 or 150? Will I be more beautiful? Will I feel more beautiful? No. I've lost weight before with the "I'll be better, I'll be more when" mentality, and I was miserable. I lost opportunities because by the time I "got there" I was so consumed with "not good enough" that I was lost in it. No, losing weight, specifically losing to a "goal" weight, won't make me feel more beautiful.

And, I believe that beauty is innate. I believe that beauty comes from *existing* beautifully; from being spiritually healthy, from treating your body and mind well, from making intimate connections, from doing good, from loving yourself, from loving others, from being your best self. This is beauty. All people are capable of beauty at all stages of life, all sizes, all ages. So, no, losing weight cannot make me more beautiful, because beauty is more than something that can be bought or sold, beauty is not something you can cake on or take away. So, no, losing weight won't make me more beautiful.

Will it make me more valuable? Perhaps to some, but to none who matter. Do I resent those who think weight and value are correlated? Yes. Do I see them as morally deficient? Yes! Do I think they harm society with their views? Yes! Do I want to impress or give a sense of validity to those who I feel are socially disruptive and morally deficient? No. So, I cannot consider that any social "value" gained by weight loss would have any gain me. No more than blood money. You win and you loose, and the latter in far greater measure.

Will losing to a particular goal weight make me healthier? I really really really don't believe so. No. It won't. I am healthy. I exercise for an hour nearly every day. I do my best to  make sure I get enough sleep. I work hard to ensure and maintain a healthy psychological state. I pursue my faith. I have removed all things both made of and containing sugar or any processed sweetener from my diet. I try to laugh every day. I go to the doctor when I'm sick. I avoid excess. No, I'm healthy. As long as I continue to do these things to the best of my ability, I am healthy. Only idiots who look only at numbers would think that I'd be more healthy at a low goal weight.

Even if all the idiots thought I was healthy, I'd be unhappy. No, that's not a worthy exchange.

Besides, the likelihood of continuing to lose weight at any one speed, is highly unlikely. The body is not like a car that you can set to cruise control. It varies with time of year, food intake, stress, and hormones. Additionally  the lower your weight, the less you will lose, if you are losing, if you should lose at all for optimum health, because the lower it goes (to a point, obviously), the closer you get to your healthy weight. Yours. Not some got-dam chart made up by someone obsessed with saving insurance companies money (does it not seem odd, the concept that an insurance company is a business and not a charity nullifies the purpose of being insurance...). We are not numbers, we are not statistics.

Beyond all that, it's far more likely that the 8 pounds was a fluke, maybe even a fluke of the scale, particularly seeing as I'd lost 5 pounds each in the 3 previous months. To make a number goal, to obsess, to count and recount as my mind is inclined to is a recipe for pain, both psychological pain in the form of intense anxiety and self doubt, and the pain of disappointment when I inevitably fail to reach a goal I have never ever reached, not even with my best previous efforts.

So, this is how I will close; 

The numbers don't matter, and the time doesn't matter.

I am healthy, and I will continue to be healthy. It would be nice to get below "obese," but I don't have to. I am healthy, my body will go where it needs to. I trust it.

I am committed to loving my body now. If it changes, I will love it then too, and I will love the memory of how my body was.

I am beautiful now. I will practice existing beautifully.

I am valuable now. Value is one of the most inalienable rights. Right up there with beauty. And, like beauty, it cannot be diminished by there being more people with it. It is innate to us (this is why the darkness of the world tries to convince us we don't have it, or that we've lost it). I will practice living in light of that knowledge; that I am very valuable, that we all are.

I am eternal. I will live in light of eternity. I understand that I am a baby in this universe and I will pursue beautiful maturity in all things, but especially my soul.

:-)

Eating

I'm going to post two entries today, because I feel they're pretty different topics.

First, eating. I'm convinced that I've been eating significantly less lately, since the spider bite (or there around). Let me tell you why, I didn't run out of food last week. In fact, I have about half of last week's food left, even staples like pasta and eggs and fruit and cheese.

You see, each week I only buy about as much food as I think I will eat for the next week (except for meat, which I buy two weeks' worth of, and things like olive oil and spices). So, if I'm eating about half of that in a week, that's a pretty significant decrease in food intake. I've also noticed that I'm tending toward eating only two real meals a day, with  maybe a third small meal/snack.

Frankly, I'm not entirely sure why this is happening. It could be that my body is changing, it could be because I was sick. It could be because of the antibiotics, or maybe the topamax. But here's the thing, the bite is almost entirely healed, I haven't taken the antibiotics in two days, and I haven't taken the topamax in 4 or 5 (which is more days than I took it).

So, is the lack of appetite the left over meds in my system, or the left over toxins or just a change in my own body?

I don't know.

Part of me is happy about this. The upside is that I'm not hungry as often. Not being hungry is nice as being hungry is unpleasant. Also, if this persists it means I might actually be able to keep within my food budget when I move. That's a nice prospect.

Part of me is uncomfortable with this. First, your body needs food to provide itself with vitamins and nutrients, if you're not eating much, you're not getting those important vitamins and nutrients. Second, I hope I've made this clear in previous posts, but I think that our culture/country's obsession with cutting calories is absolute bullshit. In fact, I think that cutting calories can cause the metabolism to slow and can cause malnutrition. I believe that it's our intake of "artificial" foods and specifically of processed sweeteners (both caloric and non-caloric) that have cause the "obesity epidemic." I think that the entire "obesity epidemic" campaign is a giant fucking red herring to redirect blame at the subjects suffering rather than at the businesses and policies that support produce and peddle and distribute the products causing the suffering.

Additionally, and especially, I believe that if you are physically active, exercise regularly, get enough sleep, love yourself, are socially proactive, as psychologically healthy as you are presently able to be, practice stress reduction techniques, and eat a diet largely free of processed foods and sweeteners than you are healthy. Healthy and beautiful. And you have a right to live in light of that knowledge. It doesn't matter what weight you are. If you're living like that and your weight drops, great, if your weight stays the same, great, if you weight goes up, great (maybe you're building muscle, maybe you were too skinny). I think that body-hatred and self-hatred is far more destructive to a life than extra weight is to health.

Soooooooo, when I look at my own body and see that I went 10 hours without eating on Saturday and was fine with it, I'm not sure I'm fine with it, but it's definitely keeping costs down.

P.S. This is a link to a really great infographic about the average calories someone in a variety of countries consumes in a day (the results will surprise you, particularly considering that the diet industry is telling women that they should eat between 1200 and 1500 calories a day for the rest of their life) that I think everyone should look at and a lot of the comments are quite good as well.

Day After Easter

So, Easter has passed, and today is the first day of the rest of my dietary life (it occurs to me that I'm aaaalll the tiiiime.
going to have to find something new to fast from next Lent). Lent is, of course, over, and I have chosen to continue with the no processed sweeteners with the exception of parties and holidays and situations where it would possibly damage relationships/important impressions. Lent was quite easy this year, once I got past the first week or two and the headache and the feeling crazy hungry

It was much easier than last year, even pleasant. I feel that I learned a lot about eating food in a more godly way, but not a lot about God. Though, I did begin to have Bible times again, so that's something. However; I'm not sure the fast directed my focus to God as much as I was hoping it would. Ah well, there's always next Lent.

That said; I feel that I have a much greater appreciation for food now, for flavors, for the subtlety of flavor. I feel as though I understand more clearly the concept of food "for my joy and nutrition." I also feel much more confident in eating. I don't think anyone could look at anything I eat now and reasonably claim it's unhealthy. Not unless, perhaps, they were a local-organic-raw food-vegan. ;-)

This morning I woke up and knew that I had to work out. I think I was in Korea the last time I woke up and was like "I need water, and exercise, stat." Worked out for 55 minutes instead of my normal 32 and drank a nice amount of water. I watched the Christmas episode of Doctor Who while I was on the stair machine. it was awesome. I felt awesome afterwards. I love working out and feeling awesome! I mean, I hated making myself work out to get thin and feeling guilty afterwards! I love working out because it feels good!

Wasn't really very hungry today but I was really craving healthy food, which was kind of a tough place to be in because I didn't want to eat, but I wanted to eat. I think my body just wanted to make up for what I ate yesterday. My stomach has also been making crazy rumblings all day long.

Today I had:

A banana
A small apple with 1/4 cup of whole fat Greek yogurt
Two scrambled eggs with a sprinkling of cheese
Two pieces of whole sprouted grain sweetener free toast with "buttery spread"
a serving and a half of grass fed beef cooked in a cup and a half of water with organic tomato sauce
1/4 of a large white onion
about 2 cups of steamed kale
extra strong coffee with 1 cup of milk and 2/3 of a tablespoon of local raw honey
a fruit leather
2 (3?) cups of 100% whole grain curly noodle pasta
Oh, and a handful of organic cherry tomatoes



I think this could work.

Lent Almost Over

Lent is almost over, but I'm not ready to end this fast. I'm ready to make it a lifestyle. As it is, I feel healthier, and if nothing else I feel more confident about my health. I also think I have more energy over all.

It doesn't hurt that since January 5th I have lost at least 12 pounds. I think it's probably more than that but I was waiting until the scale said I'd lost at least 10 pounds for two days in a row and then I was  going to throw out my scale (because health, not weight is my goal). The scale did this; it showed between 8 and 9.8 lbs lost for about a week, and then one day 11, and the next 12. Sooooo no more scale. I feel as though my pants have been getting looser, which I hadn't felt at all before. I assume this means I may have lost a little more.

Also, my hormones seem...better. My sister has a period every 21 days, which sucks, and my period had begun to follow hers, which sucked. Now mine is late (but I can feel it's going to start soon) and has almost reset itself. Yay!

Also, I did break fast once, (I had a cupcake at a dinner party) and had pretty awful stomach pain the next day. Not cool.

So, what I want to do is continue this; not eating any sweeteners except the occasional raw honey, eating less pasta/grain, and working out a few days a week/being active every day, for the foreseeable future. After Lent I will make the caveat that if I'm at a party or social function I will allow a little sugared food (e.g. the aforementioned cupcake) so as not to be rude, but will continue on with my no-sweetener ways.

I'd be lying if I said I don't hope to get a little smaller, but that is not my goal. My goals is the confidence that I am healthy.

I'm excited.

There is no Wagon and you Cannot Care for a Thing you Hate

I'd like to start by pointing out that in the last post I was very frustrated and very down on myself but that any kind of self-damaging behavior was not and is not an option.

That said, a lot has changed. 

My weight went up.

And up.

And up.

I didn't like how I was feeling. But, I was very concerned about psychological effects of any weight loss efforts. See, when I looked at dieting and exercising it seemed to have a very similar mentality to self-injury. It was trying to punish and deprive the disgusting worthless fat part out of me. And, I knew that this attitude was COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. This is not how you condition any living organism. You cannot create a desired behavior through punishment, not ever. Unless the desired behavior is anger, fear, and learned helplessness. Which is exactly what our society is doing. So, I made an effort to start loving myself, and loving my body, and combating the feeling that I needed to hide until I was thin, that I needed to wait to start my life until I was thin. Because, here's the thing, you cannot take care of a thing you hate. We teach all girls at a young age to hate their bodies, to hate their bodies so much...that they take care of it? No. They don't. I think it's a fair measure to say that even most of the "normal weight" and "thin" girls are not taking care of their bodies. I tried to start seeing my body as good. Because I have to love myself as I am. 

I decided it didn't matter if I lost weight. I was going to be healthy. If my body wanted to be healthy at whatever weight it was, then I would learn to love it.

I bought a stair machine. Because I love my body. And I like the feeling of running up stairs two at a time, and I missed being able to do that.

And Lent began. I've gone off all sweeteners but raw local honey (again). And, of course, the honey is not meant to replace all the sweeteners I'm not eating, but to be a special treat on top of a toast or in a coffee. I'm fasting from sweeteners for two reasons; 1. Because it isn't easy, so whenever I want a sweet I am reminded of the suffering of Christ, how he sacrificed for me. And, 2. Because it's GOOD FOR ME. Did you know that almost everything has sugar (and if not sugar than a sweetener) in it? Yeah, I mean that literally. That bread? Sugar. No sugar added? That's 'cuz they added Splenda. Those crackers? High fructose corn syrup. Those potato chips? Sugar. That frozen diet dinner? Sugar, and a ton of salt. Those frozen veggies with butter/cheese? Sugar. That yogurt cup? Sugar or splenda. That soy milk? Sugar....eeeevvvvrrryyyyttthhhiiinnnggg. I've watched a lot of videos on healthy eating and have come to a few conclusions; Whole food is better, organic is better still, veggies are way under suggested and sugar is bad for you (with the exception of fruit and the occasional teaspoon of honey). I love my body and I love God, so I gave up sweeteners. 

My weight has come down some. About 10 pounds. It's still high. And that's okay. I'm going to throw out my scale now. Because my scale doesn't get to determine my value or my health. 

I've started my garden, it's more than twice the size it was last year. I do pottery. I do sculpting. I use my stair machine every day. I don't watch television. I'm considering continuing my "fast" after Lent ends. I love going to parks and walking. I've been accepted into grad school. I am of sound mind and sound body. I have no time for things like scales. Life is calling to me.