Easter Dinner

I ate Easter dinner over at my parents' house, like we usually spend every holiday. That is, a single meal, prepared without much enthusiasm. But, it's a chance to spend time with my mother, which I will always take.

As we ate, and breaking the Lent fast meant I ate about 5 times my daily recommended amount of sugar today, all I could think was I wanted to eat my food. I really just wanted to go back to the food I've been eating for the last 49 days. And, I felt disappointed that the sugary food wasn't better. I wish I hadn't taken a bite out of the small chocolate bunny because then I could give it away. The Cadbury creme egg wasn't nearly as good as I thought it would be. The fried bananas (mad by me) and the wine was pretty good. The rootbeer float was nice, but even that was making me feel kind of ill by the end of it. I only had a bite of someone else's pie. I didn't want seconds of the sweets. I felt sick. I wanted my food. I wanted some fresh squeezed orange juice and some eggs on whole wheat toast or chicken with lots of spinach. I wanted an apple with greek yogurt.

I feel kind of bad, because I...think...my parents tried to prepare a good meal. I'm also a bit resentful that I wasn't included in the preparation plans. I'm a pretty awesome cook. They're...notsomuch.

Especially with my mom's stomach problems, she can hardly eat anything at all and her stomach is still swollen after all this time and the doctors don't know and don't care and she's tired of getting poked only to be told "we don't know." (and sometimes I wonder if it's psychosomatic, and sometimew I wonder if she's dying and sometimes I just suffer when I think of how she suffers)

I love Easter. It is undoubtedly my favorite day, but I feel disillusioned about the food. I thought it would taste better. I thought it would be worth how ick I'd feel. It wasn't.

It really really wasn't.